One thought on “Awake at 3am”

  1. Reblogged this on creativelyhopeful and commented:
    I’ve been trying to write a blog tonight, but despite several attempts, have ended up with nothing. Trouble with technology is that my half started sentences are deleted into nothingness and I don’t even have a pile of screwed up pieces of paper or a notebook filled with crossings out to show for my efforts. There is no proof of my struggle, no evidence of my attempts.

    And then I saw this post by ‘unlockingwords’ and, well, it seems to have unlocked my words. I have been struggling with a feeling of living two lives that do not fit together. In one life I go to work, meet friends, smile, laugh, go to zumba lessons, stride across the fields in muddy boots. I make plans for the future, indulge myself in dreams of meeting a boy, having a family, growing old. In my other life I let Her take me in her arms and hold me and rock me and make everything disappear. I shrink. I rest. I stop trying. I breathe out and


    not forever, no, just until I’m ready to breathe in again.

    But my two worlds don’t fit together. They exist either side of the glass wall and when I’m one side of the wall, everything on the other side seems muted, a rustle of leaves, and everything on my side of the wall seems overwhelmingly loud, a thunder storm of blinding lightening and deafening thunder. I can see through the glass wall, but I cannot reach through it. I cannot touch the ‘me’ that exists through that wall. We are not connected. We are not the same. We are two halves separated by a glass wall longing to feel whole.

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