Sex toys and disability

Going to assume, given the hush hush nature of talking about sex toys, that this should come with an 18+ warning…  That’s your warning.  I’m going to be talking about sex toys and disability, in case the title didn’t provide you with enough info… Personally, I don’t feel the info is explicit in nature but I’m aware people may disagree…

(Side note: this is focused on people with physical disabilities)

Apparently, three quarters of women own at least one sex toy and 36% of men own a sex toy. So even if people are ashamed of talking about sex toys, most people will have some experience with them.

And they’re great.  They can enhance sex or masturbation, and if you have a disability or not, they can stimulate you or your partner(s) in ways which could not happen otherwise.

So, what are the best sex toys for disabled people? 

Let me refer you to a previous point I made about how everyone is different.  Everyone has different sexual interests and people with disabilities are exactly the same.  Also, you will need to consider your own disability as everyone has different needs, even with the same condition.

To help get you thinking about what’s going to work for you, the key issues for me and sex toys would be; I can’t be penetrated; my energy levels are crap; my hands are quite unhelpful when it comes to things like repetitive movements and fine motor skills (like buttons). I have high levels of pain throughout my body as well but I’m going to look at pain and sex in more detail in another post.

What should I consider when I’m looking for a toy?

A good question to ask yourself when you’re looking at sex toys is what I do want to use this for?  Yes, I know, stupid question.  In particular, are you wanting to use this alone or with someone or have someone use it on you etc?  All of this will effect what’s going to be the right choice for you.

Further considerations include, can you hold and manipulate your sex toy?  No?  Maybe look at something which fits into underwear and can be held in place that way.  Can you control it using on the toy buttons or would a remote control be easier?  Does it matter what it’s made from?  Do you have allergies?  Does your skin tear easily?  Yes? Then maybe look for something made of a very smooth material like silicon or glass and maybe something which doesn’t vibrate.

Can you get the batteries in?  Would you feel comfortable asking someone else to do it?  If not, either manually operated or rechargeable toys might be best.  Also remember that sex toys need cleaning.  If you’ve got a partner they may be able to do that but if not, and you can’t, you’ll need to ask someone else.

Do you live with carers or your parents?  If so, you might prefer a quieter vibrator or toy without a motor.  If you’ve got decreased or increased sensation, then perhaps look at toys which have different levels of vibration etc or something which doesn’t vibrate.

From the point of view of energy levels, lighter is probably better when it comes to weight as would be something you don’t need to hold in place.  Or you could place a cushion so that the toy can rest on it whilst still stimulating you or buy a cushion made for the job.  And cushions are good for sex more generally – great for propping up joints etc.

You can get dildos which attach to the floor, tiled walls, your leg, your face.  Think how much more exciting your sex life could be compared to all the people who think disabled people can’t have sex.  To the 44% of people who wouldn’t entertain having sex with a disabled person, your loss.

Think about the wider environment, nice sheets can make a huge difference to how you’re feeling and make it easier to move around.  Or how about using handcuffs to help keep you in one place?  And use lube (again, if you’ve got allergies check the ingredients or ask for a sample and test it on  your arm or somewhere first. Do not try it out on your genitals if you think you might be allergic!).  You might find particular places easier for sex, on the bed or propped up on the floor by the bed or in your wheelchair or in a sex swing.

I’m afraid I’m focusing heavily on cis women here, I’m not sure I’ve got much to say about men’s sex toys but hopefully someone else does.  If that someone is you, please add advice in the comments (actually, everyone should do that, just keep it on topic please).

Most importantly, try things, have fun and learn what works for you.

Useful links:

http://disabilityhorizons.com/2014/07/disability-and-sex-lets-be-frank-about-sex-toys/

http://disabilityhorizons.com/2014/04/sex-tips-sexy-crip/

http://www.autostraddle.com/our-bodies-our-sex-toys-6-accessible-sex-toys-320004/

http://www.comeasyouare.com/sex-information/sex-and-disability/

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4 thoughts on “Sex toys and disability”

  1. You don’t mention phthalates used in the production of some sex toys, which can be harmful and people may want to avoid toys with them in.

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