I’ve been drifting along for a while now in my strange post retirement world where weekends don’t exist and the only routine in my life is that Sundays are shower days but even that has fallen apart recently. I’d managed to get into a nice daily routine pre tradamol withdrawal (eugh, that was a five week nightmare). I’d get up, potter around, maybe do some art or writing or blog posting or reading until lunch then settle down for a bit with netflix. I’d get a second wind just after my tea and I’d probably do some more reading or learning. It was nice. It felt like I was doing things. Then the tramadol withdrawal happened and threw me into a physical and mental funk. I was not well enough to do much of anything…
Anyway, the point is, I was drifting along and making excuses for not doing things and in turn I was feeling like a victim. A few different things conspired to hammer this home to me ending in Kate Evan’s most recent blog post. Kate reminded me that on the other side of victimhood is feeling in control. And she ends her post asking the reader what makes you feel in control of your own life.
This prompted me to grab my tarot journal and do a bit of thinking.
- Where do I feel like I lack control? My care rota, money, my schedule, my pain, food…
- What would things look like if I felt more in control? Essentially all of these areas came back to being able to plan except food which I’d hope would feel more in control if the rest of the areas felt better.
- So if being able to plan is important to me, how can I achieve this without external factors miraculously changing?
Enter the mega tarot spread…I’d have taken a photo of the whole thing but you’d not really have been able to see much detail.
In each position I used one card from the Wild Unknown deck and one card from the Pagan Cats deck. I’m really enjoying using two decks together and find it makes for a more detailed reading as you’d expect but also the subtle differences between the decks make it interesting.
Whilst I’m talking about dual deck readings, I had a strange one the other day. It was the Deep, Wild, True reading from Kelly-Ann Maddox and I was using Wild Unknown and my RWS deck. In both position 1 and 4 (What blocks you from living deeply and feeling plugged into your life? and How to harness your bravery and be bold) I got the Tower and the 2 of Pentacles. What are the chances?! Let me know if you have any thoughts about interpreting that, I’d be very interested in another perspective.