Clearly the answer is no. But this is an interesting video which asks some interesting questions and I wanted to share my responses. I realise this comes on the back of another blog post where I respond to questions but I’m not anticipating that this will become a trend.
Am I offended by the word disabled?
I know this is something that bothers some people, and different places have different preferred language. For example in the UK, we tend to speak of disabled people whereas in the US, people with disabilities seems to be the preferred option.
Anyway, back to the question. I have no issue with the word disabled. It describes my situation and is vastly better than some of the alternatives such as differently abled or special. I do think it’s important to remember that disability, or being disabled, is more than just wheelchairs though. It covers physical, mental and learning disabilities and I do think that the symbol of a person in a wheelchair is too narrow.
Does this country provide enough resources for the disabled community?
It doesn’t matter where in the world you are, the answer to this is no. Of course some countries are doing a better job than others but disability is generally underfunded, under-acknowledged and misunderstood. There are still so many taboos and stereotypes out there and these damage opportunities for disabled people.
Are most people ignorant about my disability?
For my particular disability, things are getting better. There is more information about there about my condition. In terms of using a wheelchair, there is a lot of ignorance. People still think if you use a wheelchair, you can’t stand or walk at all. This is the case for some people but many of us can get out of our chairs. Related to that is the idea that disability looks a certain way and anyone who doesn’t fit that image must therefore be faking.
Do I appreciate it when people offer me help?
I was in town once, in my wheelchair outside a shop waiting for my friend. I was trying to put my coat on. Someone came up behind me, I hadn’t heard them, the first I knew was when they grabbed my coat and started trying to help me. I do understand it was meant well, but it could easily have led to my shoulder dislocating. Please, do ask if you think I need help, but don’t just thrust it upon me.
Also, if you do want to help and have asked, listen to me as I probably know how best you can help me.
Is dating difficult?
Yes. Dating requires being vulnerable and that can involve another layer of vulnerability when you have a disability. There are also all the should I shouldn’t I’s. You want people to see past the disability but also, especially if you’re short on energy, you want to meet up with people who aren’t going to turn out to be prejudiced. And there are a lot of people out there who don’t see disabled people as sexual beings, people who wouldn’t consider dating a disabled person and people who assume that dating a disabled person means you become their carer.
Have I felt like a burden?
Yes. In general, my friends don’t make me feel like a burden but strangers do all the time. Whether it’s when I’m asking to squeeze past in my wheelchair or need a hand moving chairs in a cafe, there does seem to be two reactions. The people who think nothing of being helpful and those other people who really make you know that they have had to go out of their way for me.
Would I change my disability?
This is an impossible question. I would love to not be in pain 24/7 but I also wouldn’t be me if I didn’t have my disability. Without it, I have no idea what my life would look like. I’d be on such a different track and whilst that’s intriguing, there are things in my life that I really value that wouldn’t be with me without my disability. I wouldn’t have had as much time to write and do art and learn about tarot and astrology. I certainly wouldn’t know as much as I do about nature.
Am I living a fulfilled life?
When read with the above question, I think the answer has to be yes. It’s a different life but it’s one that I have put time and effort into creating. And even without my physical disability, I’d still have had to overcome my mental health issues. I know what I need to do in order to feel fulfilled. I learn, I read, I think, I create, I go out and I chill out. Retiring meant I had to figure this out, it was that or living in a groundhog day world where I did the same nothingness every day.